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May. 13th, 2009 | 07:06 pm

no more of this.



it hurts but there will be no more... i'm ready.

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Oct. 31st, 2008 | 10:56 pm

i love you... so much i can't fathom it.

i've been waiting so long.

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Oct. 20th, 2008 | 06:16 am

fuck.


this is weird.


i miss you more than anything....

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well baby,

Aug. 11th, 2008 | 04:05 pm
i feel: melancholymelancholy

it's hot out back but this skin can't be shed. but can you make it disappear? what's the good, you're no better than me. i didn't ask to be understood, i don't want to be. just tell me to go because i've been waiting for those few words. i'm ready for the worst, this was a waste of my time breath & fuel. manic. why do i drop so low low low? quickly, you didn't expect it. i didn't either. i want you worried. i want you upset. i want to break you. i wish you were more needy. what do i need to do? just keep on this path. these words don't mean anything anymore. at least not to anyone else that is. so low, an old oaks roots couldn't reach me. let's abuse this "temple" we've been given. it's either a temple or a prison, and i'm wearing my black and white stripes. i suppose i'm much too conscious of the surrounding movements. all eyes on me, i can't breathe. i want to drop out of this perception, quickly. now. stop. go. arteries, veins, capillaries. i've lied thus far, and i will continue. what's the point of being true? no, i hope, no one will trust what i say. do they anyway? some days i don't want friends. actually, every day. i don't feel like they exist. i am merely alone. is that better? i want to tell you that you can't feed me your bullshit words anymore. i've given it enough and i'm not standing around any longer for someone just waiting for another to continue on first. do you always have to get the last word in? as i lie with you, you tell me i need to be careful, make sure it doesn't get infected. don't let it take control. well honey, it has... did you miss the memo six years ago? you act like it's all new. you have no idea. you think you've had it hard? i don't say i have, for i don't tell people the full story. i a wreck, a risk, and a medicated motherfucker. diagnosed years ago. i have become my diagnosis, or it has become me. i'm taking all of it back. i just give my thoughts and love and full heart to those i don't even trust. i think i just set myself up for failure because i like to be hurt. well lover, hurt me. this time i'll stand quiet. i take it because i deserve it. this one's for you. drink up.

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Aug. 10th, 2008 | 01:16 pm
i feel: sadsad

shit.  totally spaz out and forget this thing. i am a forgetful enormous monster. much like a strung out godzilla. school starts. my heart hurts. i feel like i'm dying. gas is too expensive, and my job is horrible. and no, i don't have any good news for you. that'd just make it all to easy for you. the truth is, i'm purposefully making this difficult to keep you around. maybe you're as determined as i think. you said you'd kick his ass. because he's hitting on your ex, not for the fact that he treated me like shit. i guess some things are a greater priority than others. i need to be able to understand. you apologize for this bullshit, but it doesn't change a damn thing. practice what you preach, man. get off you soapbox and look at your life from outside you smoke filled bubble. i'm giving it all i can, with no effect to the cause i am bringing. is this what rejection feels like? or using? i'm not sure. i'd rather be used than forgotten. i'm pathetic. i typed much more than expected. i wish i could be like this all the time.
arteries. let's sever them all, for the world's ending anyways. it ends every minute of every day, just let yourself believe... more like not believe, but i don't make sense so it would probably be smart to disregard everything i say.

Burn it down till the embers smoke on the ground
And start new when your heart is an empty room
With walls of the deepest blue

Home's face: how it ages when you're away
Spring blooms and you find the love that's true
But you don't know what now to do
Cause the chase is all you know
And she stopped running months ago

And all you see is where else you could be When you're at home
And out on the street Are so many possibilities to not be alone

The flames and smoke climbed out of every window
And disappeared with everything that you held dear
But you shed not a single tear for the things that you didn't need
Cause you knew you were finally free

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FEVERED DREAMS THAT SCARE YOU SOBER.

Jun. 25th, 2008 | 12:31 pm
i feel: blahblah

it's been quite come time since i've updated this.
i'm in trouble.


feed me drugs.

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May. 4th, 2008 | 11:44 am
i feel: boredbored

CITRUS FLAVORED.


i'm sunburnt :(

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May. 1st, 2008 | 06:31 pm
i feel: excitedexcited

I MISS YOU SO MUCH.
i'm taking it back.




Looks to me like heaven sent
No lullaby kid no 5%

Any way you want to cut that cake
She's dyin' from the likes of abandonment

Lost in the valley without my horses
She need somebody to hold

It looks to me like heaven
Sent this for your roughest night
She looks to me
She looks to me all right

Who's going to take you home
And hold you when things aren't so bright
She looks to me
She looks to me all right

It's a long walk down those tracks
It's a dirty walk in
It's a dirty walk back
Gonna learn awe way too much
Shootin' dope in the back
Of a cadillac jack

Slow down the road to my back 40
She needs somebody to hold

Down in the south seas
Give me your mouth please
Resuscitation
Is the way I find these
I give you major
You give me minor
Don't fade away
Like an ocean liner
Now

Lost in the valley
Without my horses
No one can tell me
What my remorse is

God made this lady
That stands before me
She need somebody to hold

She shows the world up with a smile
And then she throws the fight
She looks to me she looks to me
All right

Down on the bathroom floor
She's searching for another light
She looks to me she looks to me
All right

-"she looks to me" RHCP

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Apr. 25th, 2008 | 08:41 pm
i feel: cynicalcynical

these days i am accustomed to writing in an actual journal that is full of lyrics, quotes, pictures etc. etc.

fuck this.



that doesn't make it any less of a cage.

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Apr. 20th, 2008 | 11:24 am
i feel: sadsad

things are getting more and more difficult by the day and, baby, you're not helping.
i just want everything to stop.

I'm waiting for the train
Subway that only goes one way
The stupid thing that'll come to pull us apart
And make everybody late

You spent everything you had
Wanted everything to stop that bad
Now I'm a crashed credit card registered to Smith -
Not the name that you called me with

You turned white like a saint
I'm tired of dancing on a pot of gold-flaked paint
Oh we're so very precious, you and I
And everything that you do makes me want to die
Oh I just told the biggest lie
I just told the biggest lie
The biggest lie

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